There is strength in the differences between us

My grandfather.

2008-09-13T15:46:34Z

http://www.legacy.com/HartfordCourant/DeathNotices.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=117367116

I just needed to remark somewhere on the passing of someone important to me.

I'll be up in CT again tomorrow through tuesday, for his wake and funeral.

I'm 22 and this is the first personal stake I've had in Death. I suppose I'm lucky in that respect.

andshewalkedon @ 2008-08-05T14:24:00

2008-08-05T18:50:14Z

I finally got around to watching Across the Universe (a sleepover, bowling, and wicked good homemade quesadillas may have also been involved) and I adored it.

The movie was a series of portraits, full and vibrant and stunning portraits, of the music of the Beatles. In a nutshell.

Every single visual and character and plot was just a backdrop for their songs.

Which is especially fantastic, because music is generally the secondary character, the reaction to something else ... shadows of reality and emotion. But in this movie, everything is blossoming from a song, every scene is an evolution of the lyrics and melodies. And it's painfully beautiful.

It makes me want to immerse myself into The Beatles discography and never come up again.

Because music is about singing along, getting in on the joke.

Sanity for 2-3 minutes, at least.

FUN with AIM

2008-03-11T18:00:37Z

DanneskjoldDame (6:08:44 PM): oh god
DanneskjoldDame (6:08:49 PM): so I was just trying to log into a page
DanneskjoldDame (6:08:56 PM): and I was also eating a marshmallow
DanneskjoldDame (6:09:02 PM): and thinking a little marshmallow song in my head
DanneskjoldDame (6:09:17 PM): and by the third attempt to log in, I realized I was just typing marshmallow for my username and password
DanneskjoldDame (6:09:23 PM): I think I'm having a really long stroke
DanneskjoldDame (6:09:25 PM): and just don't know it
DanneskjoldDame (6:09:31 PM): and it's been happening since I was about 12

------------

cupcakeonastick (10:41:30 PM): Justin - "Do you like shepard's pie?"
cupcakeonastick (10:41:54 PM): Me - "No, I don't like corn."
cupcakeonastick (10:41:57 PM): "You can't even taste the corn."
cupcakeonastick (10:42:04 PM): "Then why put it in?"
cupcakeonastick (10:42:09 PM): "I find the color yellow soothing."
cupcakeonastick (10:42:10 PM): "Fuck you."
cupcakeonastick (10:42:18 PM): "See, if it wasn't for the corn, I'd be kicking your ass right now."

Crossposting, for safekeeping.

2008-02-02T03:12:10Z

Just another picture I took, to show my new hair color. And my witchy profile. *cackles*

Anyway, if you don't read the SFCB, I may be getting a promotion and a hot date soon. And I have an actual social circle, which is pretty cool. I actually WANT to settle here for a while. What the hell?

I cannot complain about one thing in my life right now. It's pretty frickin' sweet if I do say so myself.

Okay, I need to stop gushing. [face_toothache]

andshewalkedon @ 2008-02-01T11:39:00

2008-02-01T16:42:48Z

Life is good at the moment. Life is yellow.

Everything is solid.

Spread the joy, flist!

She's always eating Captain Crunch, she sings a lot of Ben Folds Five

2008-01-11T20:00:03Z

Yesterday someone returned this cheapo doll set called "International Dolls"

It was ... ridiculous.

U.S.A. was some kind of prarie/cowgirl with blond hair and blue eyes. Right.

Canada had a terrible blue and white track suit type thing on with a giant maple leaf on her chest. *facepalm*

Then Austria, Portugal, Korea, Norway, and England all looked inexplicably similar. The were wearing dresses and bonnets that could have put them comfortably next to Julie Andrews on the Hills O' Music.

Ohoh, and how could I forget Egypt, with her yellow tube top and pink hotpants and shoes. Put a penis in her mouth and a 20 in her hand and the picture is complete.

And Spain had HUGE curly frizzy black hair and a bull fighting outfit.

I must have stared at this set for a good 5 minutes, in wonder and horror and awe.

I will say that China and India looked just fine. So uh, go toy companies.

----------------

At the service desk we have this great "french maid" feather duster that we actually use to dust the counters and whatnot. And every time I have to pull it out I giggle and think of Lumiere and that feather duster french maid chick from Beauty and the Beast and her line:

"I've been burnt by you before!"

And soon I'm frolicking around the desk, gleefully quoting lines and song lyrics from Beauty and the Beast.

And in the middle of this routine last night I had a sudden realization:

I won't ever be able to roleplay french maid.

----------------

A guest came up to me last night and said I make the Target uniform "fashionable" and that I looked "great" in it.

I about choked on laughter. It was really nice to hear, of course, but I am utterly clueless when it comes to clothing and whatnot.

So, anyway, I am now going to buy really expensive shoes and drink skinny lattes and refer to myself as a "fasionista"

----------------

Words and phrases I have heard on a daily basis in the south:

buggy
(I) appreciate it
Bless your heart
ink pen
fixin' to
pop
ma'am

I think buggy has been hammered into my brain, so shopping cart might be lost from my vocabulary forever at this point.

But I will never ever ever get behind "ink pen." I swear to god, I have to say what about 3 times before I can understand what they're asking me for. >.<

Oh and it's still very weird to hear anyone (but especially people around my age or younger) call me ma'am.

I'd say I'm about 50% socially retarded.

2008-01-11T04:11:53Z

Today I met Joseph. He used to work at Target and he was talking to a few of my coworkers up at the service desk (where I happened to be) so I was joining in and having a good time with them, naturally. Then suddenly we found ourselves alone, having this amazing conversation. It was the kind of situation where I felt like I could have gone on for hours, comfortably. And I'd get a customer or he'd wander off to say hi to someone else and then we'd inevitably be back in our positions, leaning on the service desk counter, talking a mile a minute (okay, that's mainly me) and gleefully sharing our experiences and interests. It was refreshing.

So he told me to stop by panera tomorrow for lunch (he works there) and I told him to go see Juno with me on Saturday and we traded numbers and it rocked.

I now have enough friends here in North Carolina to constitute a "social circle" ^_^

Now I'm gonna go shower, straighten my hair, and pass the frick out. Whoo!

I love kids.

2008-01-07T16:13:29Z

I was reading this magazine about Target's charity work over the last couple of months and there was one page of letters sent in by grateful kids. The best one, by far:

"Thanks for letting me come to the ballet
It was freakin awesome
Man you don't even know

Chase"

It was freakin awesome guys.

Family Portrait

2008-01-06T03:48:41Z

That is the first time my mother, father, sister and I have ever appeared in a photo together. I'm 22. That's crazy!

And awesome. :)

One of the many reasons I love the show Psych:

2008-01-04T18:37:03Z

Let it all out

USA is playing Psych all day today in preparation for the new season, which starts next Friday at 10. <3

Of course, I'm working for most of the marathon, which is pretty lame.

You'd think they would have worked around my schedule.

Music I've bought and enjoyed in 2007

2008-01-02T20:03:03Z

Top 20 Albums (in no particularly order)

Year Zero - NiN
The Reminder - Feist
Under the Blacklight - Rilo Kiley
In Defense of the Genre - Say Anything
Icky Thump - White Stripes
Alive 2007 - Daft Punk
We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank - Modest Mouse
Wincing The Night Away - The Shins
Sky Blue Sky - Wilco
Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga - Spoon
Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer? - Of Montreal
Favourite Worst Nightmare - Arctic Monkeys
In Rainbows - Radiohead
Neon Bible - Arcade Fire
Cassadaga - Bright Eyes
Obligatory Villagers - Nellie McKay
It Won't Be Soon Before Long - Maroon 5
Zeitgeist - Smashing Pumpkins
Riot! - Paramore
Dethalbum - Dethklok

Honorable Mention (or "I haven't had time to listen to some of these as much as I would have liked, but what I heard was great and it will probably eventually be in my Top list somewhere." hehe)

American Doll Posse - Tori Amos
Challengers - New Pornographers
The Conch - Moe.
Fear of a Blank Planet - Porcupine Tree
No World for Tomorrow - Coheed and Cambria
All of a Sudden, I Miss Everyone - Explosions in the Sky
Weekend in the City - Bloc Party
Infinity On High - Fall Out Boy
Future Future Future Perfect - Freezepop
Proof of Youth - The Go! Team
Happiness Ltd. - Hot Hot Heat
Our Love to Admire - Interpol
Knowing is Half the Hassle - Mc Chris
Even If It Kills Me - Motion City Soundtrack
The Fragile Army - The Polyphonic Spree
No More Beautiful World - Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers
The Shepherd's Dog - Iron and Wine
Under the Boards - Saves the Day
Futuresex Lovesounds - Justin Timberlake
The Else - TMBG
Graduation - Kanye West
Super Taranta - Gogol Bordello
Hairspray Motion Picture Sdtrk

And I still want

U.N.K.L.E. - War Stories
Kings of Leon - Because of the Times
Broken Social Scene - Presents:Kevin Drew-Spirit If
Foo Fighters - Echoes, Silence, Patience, & Grace
HORSE the Band - A Natural Death

And probably others I can't think of at the moment.

Lots of new music in '07. So much that I'm still sort of digesting it all. <3

With our thoughts we make the world.

2008-01-02T17:03:36Z

Buddha "experimented with extreme asceticism, which at that time was seen as a powerful spiritual practice...such as fasting, holding the breath, and exposure of the body to pain...he found, however, that these ascetic practices brought no genuine spiritual benefits and in fact, being based on self-hatred, that they were counterproductive."

After abandoning asceticism and concentrating instead upon meditation and, according to some sources, Anapanasati (awareness of breathing in and out), Gautama is said to have discovered what Buddhists call the Middle Way — a path of moderation that lies mid-way between the extremes of self-indulgence and self-mortification.

When I feel I am failing at something, it seems walking the line between self-indulgence and self-mortification is the hardest part of overcoming.

To touch on that so completely in this philosophy, to base so much of its teachings on humanity as opposed to some higher power, is extremely appealing.

I just need to find something to believe in. Something that has no connection to specific circumstances or people in my life. Something that can remain outside of my own experiences.

I also need to bring the dogs in because they're scaring the crap out of the horses and probably eating one of my left shoes.

Can Buddha help me tame 4 large bratty dogs? Only time will tell.

Shakira! Shakira flying ... into space! SHAKIRA FLYING A SPACE SHUTTLE! YES! high five

2008-01-01T17:01:11Z

I had an amazing new year's eve.

I met about 14 new people, played 8 vs. 8 charades (where we all came up with five of our own things that would need to be acted out, making them hilarious and awkward and fuuuun), played guitar hero and rock band for the first time \m/ and then watched 2 homemade Legends of the Hidden Temple episodes that are possibly the best thing I've ever seen. They did it in their backyard last summer and put actual money into it and it looked and sounded A LOT like the old show on Nick. It was hilarious and fantastic. They even put commercials in between, from the 80s. Really funny and cheesy commercials for Cookie Crisp and Honeycombs (with a terrifying Andre the Giant) and Star Wars figures and GI Joe figures (Oh no! Cobra knocked down the bridge! *kid clumsily knocks down the bridge* WHAT WILL GI JOE DO) and Speak N Spell and Water Wiggle (the most dangerous toy ever made for kids) and just a million others that they found online. It was a nostalgia overload.

And the kid who played Olmec was pure gold. THEY EVEN HAD THE MASK.

And at one point one of the "contestants" got sick (it was during the stair question round, where they step down for each question answered correctly) and he had this fantastic build up to puking in the bushes (you could tell he was trying to fend it off for as long as possible ... it started with him just looking over at the bushes, then he'd take a few steps forward make a horrible face and then step back, etc, etc. until finally he walked off screen and you could hear him just hurling into the bushes (right next to Olmec). So Olmec interrupted the game with "Is someone dying next to God?" and then they continued on as if nothing happened. Because they're that hardcore. )

I've never met so many people who were so unconcerned with how they looked or if they were doing something foolish or whatever, as long as it was fun and made people laugh. Such a great time. And they were incredibly welcoming to the interloper. Ha. Even in the midst of all these inside jokes they have from being such a closeknit group of friends, for so long, I never felt left out or weird. Except for weird in that perfectly good way people have. ^_^

Oh, and the charades I had to act out:

zombie sheep
midget porn
mongoose (the only one of mine they couldn't guess, because I just ... blanked. This one stumped the hell out of me.)
rabid zombie invasion

the theme for mine was either zombies or "I'm most likely going to have to be down on my knees to act this one out, so please get the jokes out of your system now" ^_^

And I think my favorite one was "Westley sucking at rock band." because Westley's team had to guess it, so it was this entire round of everyone just saying how much Westley sucks at things, and most of the time it was actually Westley saying it. "Ohoh! Me! Westley! Westley SUCKS! How much I suck at guitar hero! Westley sucking at guitar hero! Westley sucks at rock band!" hehe.

Or Westley doing his Tom Cruise impersonation. It was basically just him tilting his head back, making an incredibly uncanny facial expression and sticking his hands out. Pure genius.

I'm so happy to have met Brooke. We got home from that and changed into adorably comfy PJs (she let me borrow her poka-dotted set ^_^ ) and settled into her huge comfy bed and watched Twilight Zone until passing out. and then we woke up this morning, got some cereal and sat in bed with more Twilight Zone.

Yay!

And they all hang out on a regular basis and play games like DnD and Dark Ages and I'm totally invited along. <3

*geeks out*

And now for some work. HI HO!

I'm sitting by the window of your 32nd floor apartment

2007-12-27T18:03:45Z

So I got an acoustic guitar for christmas and I'm completely enamored with it.

I've learned 3 simple chords (e, a and d) but right now I'm really just focusing on hand placement, how to hold the pick, sitting up straight with the guitar, etc, etc. But it's nice to have 3 chords to play while I'm practicing the fundamentals.

Most of it right now is just a lot of tedious exercises to strengthen my left hand for optimal fretting and to make sure I'm using the pick right. But even those are exciting, because I can already see and feel improvements.

Now I'm gonna go hit the strings up and down a few more hundred times, together and individually, to try to create a fluid sound. Because, um, that's what rock stars do.

OH! And I'm aces at tuning it now. And my fingers on my left hand all feel horribly sore and like they have bloodblisters on them. And slightly numb at times, too. I can't wait to play so much that I have callouses to show off. ^_^

Still Alive

2007-12-13T02:40:32Z

Is a song (written by Jonathan Coulton) at the end of Portal, an apparently awesome game in a bundle of apparently awesome games called the Orange Box (which I'd love to own).

Here is a video of the credits (the song starts about a minute in):

Original

And here is a recording of me singing it because it's fun:

If only I had a "computer" switch on my vocal chords

Note: My mic is breaking, so I keep getting complaints about the volume of my wavs. The only thing I can say is turn it up as loud as you can (on both your speakers and your computer) and enjoy. One day soon I'll be investing in a new mic. BUT YOU CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC UNTIL THEN. VIVA LA FOLK.

Isn't it enough to know I ruined a pony making a gift for you?

2007-12-11T01:10:04Z

I'm not sure it's ever felt so good to get home, puddle out of my uniform and into PJs, get something hot and tasty to eat, and just sit.

Such a long day.

Ngggmmmmmaaaaa or something close to that is about all I can verbalize right now, as I melt into this chair and fill my belly with the first meal of the day.

Side note: If you ever shop at Target, I want you to take a good long look at the See Spot Save (Dollar Spot) area. And then I want you to think of the poor sap that has to organize and remerchandise it and say a prayer. :P

And as much as I miss the day off that could have been, and as much as I dread going in tomorrow for an 8-4:30 shift on yet another day that was supposed to be off, it is really nice to know I'll have a sweet check come next Friday. ^_^

Now, to listen to music and edit it together in kickass mixes for a friend's bday. Best way to unwind evar.

This movie will not be playing anywhere near me, I assume

2007-12-07T22:42:48Z

But I really want to see it:

Penelope

Also! The Joker viral sites for The Dark Knight have me absolutely giddy with anticipation.

I'm not sure I have ever bought into so much hype for a film.

Cannot. wait.

"So, uh, do you like movies?"

2007-12-07T15:17:21Z

At work yesterday, a coworker I'd had not more than one or two conversations with over the last 3 weeks I've been working came up to the service desk and, over the course of my shift, asked me out to see Golden Compass on Saturday.

He tried to go for subtle at first but basically we both knew what he was doing and eventually he just asked. A boy that I wasn't friends with first saw me and thought "Hey, I want to go somewhere with her."

Should I start investing in canned food and underground bomb shelters?

Also, I told him I wasn't really sure about the dating thing yet, but I can really use a friend in Monroe. So we're going out as friends and we'll see what happens from there. :)

andshewalkedon @ 2007-11-20T20:34:00

2007-11-21T01:46:01Z

And I RELAPSE

Inhaling the spiked fairytale

exhale, exhale!

Expelling the bitter aftertaste

it clings!

But I RECOVER

... so slowly

My music is where I'd like you to touch

2007-11-05T03:56:46Z

This is awesome. Daft Punk cover. Male A cappella group. 'nuff said.

The qualities and physical traits that tend to attract me:

2007-10-29T18:52:14Z

Your love will fill me, as warm as the bullets

2007-10-29T16:29:27Z

I have gotten SO much new music lately. It's pure bliss.

Of Montreal reminds me of Sloan a little. I wonder if they are Canadian, too.

I forget how much I love Spoon. I'm happy they released a new album this year to remind me.

And speaking of this year:

Rilo Kiley. The New Pornographers. Nine Inch Nails. Feist. The Shins. Arctic Monkeys. Paramore. Radiohead. The White Stripes. Saves the day. Smashing Pumpkins. Fall Out Boy. Wilco. TMBG. The Arcade Fire. Porcupine Tree. Interpol. Coheed and Cambria. Tori Amos. Maroon 5. Motion City Soundtrack. Barenaked Ladies. Justin Timberlake (What? Lovestoned is brilliant. The man knows how to put together a song)

It's been an exciting year! And I'm still coming down from stuff like Ok Go - Oh No or The Decemberists - The Crane Wife from last year.

But if we're talking about music in 2007, Max Bemis takes the cake.

Say Anything has gone above and beyond with their 2-disc album In Defense of the Genre.

He puts more passion into one syllable than most can put into a whole song. He doesn't even have The Best Voice musically, but the rawness and emotion within it makes up for that, and then some.

And once your head clears a little, you get down to the lyrics, and you're blown away all over again.

I suggest introducing yourself with the song Alive With the Glory of Love, cause it's pretty fucking epic. And then just move on to the newest album because dear god I want to live inside of it.

Max Bemis is the whole package. <3

I must see him live.

I saw, I smelled what he did to you, girl,
and to be frank, the thought makes my innards curl.
How he preyed on your ripe insecurities.
The thorn in your side is alive, and it's killing me.
Obscure records entombed in his room with mechanical lust,
diapered, desolate middle-aged doom.
On your knees in his downtrodden shit-eating grin of a room.
If only you'd meet me here soon.

If only you'd start breathing, I'd court you exclusively.
With my shovel, I'm pounding earth 'til suddenly I see...

You awake from the dirt and the grime,
stretch your fractured, pretzel spine,
out to take your revenge for the crime,
filled with fire and finally mine.

Paraded you around like a second place prize,
hair done up, black holes painted on your eyes.
Held a book burning in your back yard,
while your parents observed from their window, slightly scarred.
And I've watched with my shovel in hand.
I have faith in you, child.
From his nightmares I've plucked a plan,
where that prick, to the world, is revealed as a wicked man.
This is a prayer from your biggest fan.

If only you could see me, we'd dance like a heart attack.
With a wail you let them know you're furious, you're back.

You awake from the dirt and the grime,
stretch your fractured, pretzel spine,
out to take your revenge for the crime,
filled with fire and finally mine.

You awake from the grave that he dug,
pulsing, boiling, angry blood.
Well aware that I'm falling in love.
Filled with fire, I'm drinking gasoline to make it go faster,
Gasoline will make it grow much faster.
Gasoline to make it go faster.
Gasoline will make it grow much faster.

Faster ...

things I am currently into:

2007-10-24T19:58:40Z

-pandora radio (pandora.com - put in any bands or songs and it'll create an instant station around them)
-achewood (fabulously surreal webcomic)
-old mix cds I recently dug up and hadn't heard in ages (And at your funeral I will sing the requiem! *rawksout*)
-the nature of a typical internet debate (Dumbledore is Gay is the best thing to happen to this phenomenon in at least a week .. which is forever in internet time :P)
-chickens
-sleeping in (sleeping, in general, is something I have happily rediscovered after several years of insomnia issues)
-vintage porn and the female form most often featured in it
-wearing jeans
-hugging Sasha and letting her lick my face, even though it's a little gross.
-Terry Pratchett
-Carson McCullers
-New Orleans
-Say Anything
-Imogen Heap
-Trent Reznor
-Jonathan Coulton
-fake Randy Newman movie themes
-Rilo Kiley
-The Office
-Pushing Daisies
-Chuck
-eggs
-talking about nothing and everything (and laughing, A LOT more of that lately) with the faraway friends on my speed dial (or on AIM) while I slowly find my way in Monroe, NC
-making a list of the things I'll be saving money for once I start this job ... like:
a gym membership
a road trip west in the spring
a better car
a computer
a haircut
chewbacca
-epic arena battles
-the photographs that will make sure this fall stays cemented in my memory forever
-amc's 10 days of only horror movies
-Mike Rowe and Dirty Jobs
-deep breaths
-people-watching
-the Met
-the Kohlhepp christmas tree tradition
-the thought that, with all things considered, this year is wrapping itself up wonderfully

My epitaph:

2007-10-24T17:17:15Z

Discord! Confusion! Organs!

-----

I'm still not on the schedule at work and the manager was too busy to call me this morning.

Bitch, I need to make money for my birthday!

Which I'll be spending at Coyote Ugly in Charlotte with some friends from CT. Should be interesting. ^_^

-----

Protip: A conversation with a rooster quickly becomes a vicious cycle of lost time. I promise you will be compelled to answer back every time it let's out a little Errr Errrrrr Er!

You don't even want to know how much fun I have talking to chickens.

And oh! the chicks were all huddled in a corner of our little barn, sleeping in this mass of downfeather and chirps, when I walked in this morning.

Cuuuuuuute!

You can argue about primal instincts and the harshness of the animal world, but they have families, too. And if I could reach the comfort of those baby chicks in that naptime huddle, I'd consider myself a success.

-----

You know, if you lost everyone in your life today, you'd still have a chance to meet someone new tomorrow. And even if it happened again, you'd still reach out the next day. And the day after that. The people you could meet in your lifetime come in an endless wave, there is no cap. If you change, if life around you changes, in a way that brings you away from one family, you will make another ... you will make many and even get to keep some. How fabulous is that?

Stranger than Fiction

2007-10-22T22:53:32Z

"If you knew you were going to die ... possibly soon ... what would you do?"
"Wow, I don't know. Am I the richest man in the world?"
"No, you're you."
"Do I have a superpower?"
"No, you're you!"
"I know I'm me ... but do I have a superpower?"
"No, why would you have a super power?"
"I don't know, you said it was hypothetical."
"Fine, yes, you're really good at math."
"That's not a power, that's a skill."
"Okay, you're good at math and you're invisible. And you know you're going to die."
"Okay, okay, that's easy. I'd go to space camp."